Battle Interference

Last week I had the thought that showing up is 9/10 of the battle (courage is not the absence of fear, courage is acting in spite of fear) and the other 1/10 of the battle is sticking it out to the end (perseverance).

This week I had the thought: you can’t fight another person’s battles. Doing so would defeat the entire point. As a Christian, I believe all those holes we get from a battle are spots where the light of Christ can shine through us uninhibited by our self. By nature of that process — one simply cannot fight in the place of another who would benefit from engagement in a battle (humbled, wizened, strengthened, etc.)

I’ve caught myself fighting another person’s battle for them, in the past. In my family of origin, triangulation and emotional incest were common occurrences. I found myself ‘handling’ ‘managing’ and ‘parenting’ my parent’s and other family member’s dilemmas as if they were my own. I am a fighter at heart. Engaging in battles came/comes naturally.

Particularly with my children’s battles. I was easily engaged in those to a harmful point; still can be.

But I am starting to see that this is not only hard on me; it could be crippling to others as well.

Again, I am a fighter at heart and can often sniff out a battle brewing. It is hard to sit on my hands when something is off and I know it; even when I know it would be harmful to engage myself in it. What bothers me most is when someone doesn’t even realize they are IN a battle. It’s clear to onlookers that there is real trouble, say, in someone’s marriage, or workplace, or family dynamic. But the person who is meant to be in the middle of the storm with a sword in hand — drank a cocktail of delusion mixed with denial and went to sleep instead.

In those cases, not engaging means keeping my mouth shut; until the sleeper awakes. And if he or she doesn’t ever awake; again — it’s not my battle to fight.*

*Note to self.

Have you ever entangled yourself in another person’s battle? How did it turn out?

Author: justsaltwriter

Life has given me clearer skies and much better mental health. Therefore I felt it was time to overhaul my blog. Some old posts remain, as do a few followers. Other posts may be revived in the future. Thanks for being there for me while I walked through the fog of abuse. ❤️

5 thoughts on “Battle Interference”

  1. Wisdom! Trying to fight other’s battles has left me exhausted and empty. too empty to take care of myself. I am currently fighting for my right to NOT get involved in other people’s messes.

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    1. Oh wow, I LOVE that thought : ‘currently fighting for my right to NOT get involved in other people’s messes.’ AMEN. Totally relate. We all need to carry our own load! Thanks for stopping by Melissa!

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  2. Hmm, I’m not sure if I’ve fought another person’s battles, but lately it feels like I am taking on another person’s stress by getting too invested in their horror stories about their job then feeling anxious that they won’t exercise the ambition to get another career started. I suppose it’s an iteration of the classic “I want to fix your problems but you just want to complain about them, not solve them” dilemma. I love this quote–“As a Christian, I believe all those holes we get from a battle are spots where the light of Christ can shine through.” Applying that to my situation, perhaps I should remember that God is likely bringing them through this season for a reason, and I just need to pray for them.

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    1. I can SOOO relate. I am a big ‘fixer’ but doing that tends to ruin relationships for me. A lot of times people just want a sounding board, I’ve found anyway. And a lot of times the battles is THEIRS (and our battles are OURS) to fight. This takes wisdom; wisdom I am not sure I have gotten yet. I tend to learn everything the hard way. 🤣

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